Part 4 – Where to from here? – The Orange Butterfly

“You have given so much. You have worked so hard. You have fought through so many things just to make it here. You have taken the leap and you have waited. You have not given into shortcuts. But sometimes the soul just needs to be reminded: keep going, keep believing, keep trusting,the work you’re putting in is not in vain.”
Morgan Harper Nicholas

The truth is…

I have absolutely no idea where my life will take me from here; and that use to, and still does, scare the living daylights out of me!! It’s something that I’m still struggling to come to terms with, something that I’m still working through.

And do you know what…

That’s okay.

It’s honestly taken me a year to say those words without feeling like my heart was going to jump out of my chest, some days it still happens and that’s okay too. I’m allowed to have really positive days throughout my recovery where I am really happy with where I am, with what I am doing and how I’m going. I’m also allowed to have days where I don’t want to get out of bed, days where I can’t get out of bed. I’m still battling with everything I’ve spoken about. This can also be confusing for the people closest to me, the people that see photos of me on my positive days where I look okay, and can’t make sense of what these bad days are all about. This use to bother me, and if I’m being honest, the opinions of others still does affect me. I wouldn’t be human if they didn’t. It is all part of the process of recovery; the process of finding Lauren again. I’m going to follow my heart, listen to my body and do whatever works for my recovery and mental health. And finally, I’m okay with that.

Not having a concrete plan like I’ve always had still worries me, but all I can do is get up in the morning, think about the people in my life who love me, think about the things in my life at the moment that are making me happy, and remind myself that no matter what happens, I’m going to be okay. Yes, sometimes for others and myself, it’s not that easy, but all we can do is try.

So for me, where to from here…

I’m going to continue making my mental health and well-being a top priority. I’ve noticed if I begin to lose sight of my heart and soul, I lose my purpose and my way. I realise the chemical changes in my brain from the injury are the reasons for many of the emotions I face daily, but I’ve decided I want to take back that control.

Meditation daily gives me time to focus on my breath; the feeling of breathing in, breathing out, focusing on nothing but myself in the present moment, where I am right now, helps me more than I could ever explain. It’s one of the only times I feel connected with my body again.

I’m going to continue writing; journaling my thoughts, writing blogs that are filled with information, tips (if I have any) and basically me on a page and what I’m going through. I do this with the hope that this may connect people from all over, coming together with many things in common, coming together in support, love and empowerment.

I’m going to continue with my rehab and recovery with my amazing specialist team. I’m not where I want to be yet, but I know with their constant support and encouragement, I will get there.

I am going to continue with my return to work plan and finding normalcy. Although my routine has completely flipped its lid (much like I have many times over the last year), I need to return for myself, for my recovery, and to find the passions and drive that I’ve always had for my career.

No matter what is in store for me next, I know I’m never going to give up!“